We interrupt your normal non-posting on SoC to announce a baseball signing at once important to two of SoC’s staff, and unfathomable to every single person who’s ever watched, followed, or heard of baseball:

via The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Jeff Weaver, one of several free-agent pitchers the Pirates have pursued this offseason, agreed to terms with the Seattle Mariners on a one-year contract worth $8,325,000. That is the same salary he made last season with the Los Angeles Angels and St. Louis Cardinals.

He also can make up to $1 million in performance bonuses based on innings and starts.

The final three teams in the bidding for Weaver were the Pirates, Mariners and Cardinals, for whom Weaver was instrumental in winning the World Series last October.

Weaver, 30, was 8-14 with a 5.76 ERA last season.

I hate baseball.

You may have noticed our collective giving-up a couple months ago. I’d be lying if I said the Steelers didn’t have anything to do with my lack of ambition, and I can only assume that bad showings by the Yankees, Red Sox, and all teams Seattle did the same for the rest of the crew. Still, something in me snapped the other day, and I decided to pick the banner up and run with it again, all be it likely for a very, very short distance. To wit, I’d like to take a look at three of my brave prognostications from SoC, and see how I did on the whole soothsayer thing:

1. If you’d be so kind as to give me half credit for this one, I’d appreciate it- I predicted that the impending arrival of Evgeni Malkin would result in an unbeatable shootout squad for the Penguins. The Penguins’ 2-5 record in shootouts would say I was wrong, but a closer look at the prediction said they’d be unbeatable from 2007-2011. Counting last night’s loss, the Penguins are 0-1 in shootouts in 2007, so I’m kinda still on the clock. Plus, Jordan Staal, Malkin and Sid the Kid have indeed blossomed into the best young centers in the league. So what do you say? Half credit? Quarter credit?

2. I thought it was a safe bet that Steve McNair would get hurt and the Ravens would go 8-8 under the “leadership” of Kyle “Orton” Boller. Um, whoops?

3. Finally, there was the week I decided to predict again that McNair would get hurt and Baltimore would go 8-8. So I was twice as wrong as I thought. Oh, well.

Call me crazy, but I am beginning to think there just might be a Super Bowl curse.

Or maybe it is just a coincidence that every nationally televised Seahawk home game has taken place during some form of raging storm, all of our star players are broken and hobbling, our coach suddenly sucks and needs to be fired, we lose to both Arizona and San Francisco in lethargic outings within the span of 5 days and we might actually fail to win our division despite playing in the NFC West. Also I think the Steelers are having issues (but I kind of haven’t been paying too much attention to them…)

In other news, I went to Vegas and lost a lot of money. Most of those losses were thanks to Gonzaga and the Sonics failing to cover spreads. Well, that and getting drunk and playing craps until sunrise every day.

At least I have baseball season to look forward to…oh wait, I’m a mariners fan…nevermind.

*Mouth noises*

*Hair of the dog*

*sniff*

*Falls back to sleep, waiting for next season*

Sure has been quiet here as of late. I guess we only want to talk about sports when either a) it is baseball season or b) our favorite football teams AREN’T ALL COMPLETELY FALLING APART ON US (well except for Jay, really he has no excuse…unless he really doesn’t love the Patriots…)

Anyways, where was I? Oh that’s right! I’m going to Las Vegas this week. I love Vegas. Really, I do. I have in fact been there 8 times previously (officially making it my most visited city that I don’t actually live in…not counting Vancouver BC which I have visited more probably but only because in College it was a short ride for beautiful underage drinking…although kids, you should only drink when you are of legal age…winky face.)

On a blog for a sketch group that no longer exists (frowny face) I once detailed the many depressing exploits I have enjoyed/regretted in the city of sin. I’m too lazy to actually post a link to any of those entries but I’m sure if you google “cory nealy” and “sad little life” you should be able to find them hidden somewhere in the internets. I never got around to detailing the exploits of my last trip (a trip spent enjoying the company of [some of] THE GREATEST SKETCH COMEDIANS EVER IN HISTORY!) but suffice to say it went about how you would expect:

• puking on self while at craps table at a place called “Terrible’s?” check.
• peeing in the canals at The Venetian? check.
• giving a man of questionable drug dependencies $40 in protection money? check.
• spilling maple syrup all over myself at 5am? check.
• breaking the sun roof of a stretch limo? check.
• losing bets on every game in the Final Four, spending three nights in a row throwing money at the craps table while too drunk to really know what was going on AND falling into a pit of blackjack frenzy at $25 a pop YET still coming out $300 ahead on the entire trip? CHECK!

All in all a good trip and that isn’t even counting the night we all watched QUITE POSSIBLY THE GREATEST BELLAGIO FOUNTAIN SHOW EVER, choreographed to Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an american (god bless the usa)!” (sniffy crying face)

I will be there for three nights starting wednesday the 29th. If all goes well I will keep a journal of my adventures and post updates here when able (i.e. sober). I plan to do more sports betting this time than ever before as I will be there for Thursday night’s NFL game (who should I take?) as well as a couple of Gonzaga games and a host of NBA games. And my three favorite things are watching sports, drinking and gambling. Oddly enough you can do all those things in Las Vegas. Amazing.

Hopefully soon I will have a story that begins like this:

“So I woke up at noon pissed to find out my wallet was completely empty from the previous night, only to become over enjoyed seconds later to feel my pants pocket bulging with over $200 in chips from The Riviera…only problem is I don’t remember ever going near The Riviera last night…wait a second…these aren’t even my pants…rad…”

Cory and I are giving Geoff a chance to get caught up in the gambling race. Geoff submitted these picks to me on Thursday, so I can certify their validity (and apologize for not posting earlier). Let’s see how Geoff did/does!

Geoff (Season Record: 4-5)
Full slate! I have to catch up! And I can’t look up the lines, so I’m picking ‘em straight-up! I don’t care what the lines are, these are my picks!