Shame on you Shawn Merrimen, and double shame on you Kenny Rogers.

Actually, the only way I’ll really care about this is if San Diego has to retroactively forfeit their victory over the Steelers, which won’t happen, so meh. And try as I might to get engrossed by the World Series, I’d still rather be watching House. All in all, the Merrimen story ranks a scant 2 on the ol’ Scandal-O-Meter®*, while Kenny’s PineTarGate pulls a four.

* The Scandal-O-Meter® is a statistically significant standard introduced to the mainstream media in 2001 to rate scandals quantitatively. It uses math, so you wouldn’t understand it, but trust us, it’s all kinds of scientific. It goes from one to Felicity Huffman, with one being the most minor scandal imaginable and Felicity Huffman being the biggest.

Floyd Landis, Floyd Landis. The cyclist is claiming he didn’t know he was ingesting steroids. This isn’t the first claim of the sort and it certainly won’t be the last. But, if these claims hold any truth, it does raise some questions…

-Are trainers slipping roids into athletes’ tea and biscuits?
-Why aren’t athletes making attempts to figure out why they’re taking that new purple pill and why minutes later their biceps have torn through another shirt?
-Or are athletes really that oblivious?
-If athletes and trainers aren’t doing it, then who is? God? Satan? Spandex?

Makes you long for the days when cheating just meant sucking the air out of your opponent’s tires.