We interrupt your normal non-posting on SoC to announce a baseball signing at once important to two of SoC’s staff, and unfathomable to every single person who’s ever watched, followed, or heard of baseball:

via The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Jeff Weaver, one of several free-agent pitchers the Pirates have pursued this offseason, agreed to terms with the Seattle Mariners on a one-year contract worth $8,325,000. That is the same salary he made last season with the Los Angeles Angels and St. Louis Cardinals.

He also can make up to $1 million in performance bonuses based on innings and starts.

The final three teams in the bidding for Weaver were the Pirates, Mariners and Cardinals, for whom Weaver was instrumental in winning the World Series last October.

Weaver, 30, was 8-14 with a 5.76 ERA last season.

I hate baseball.

Shame on you Shawn Merrimen, and double shame on you Kenny Rogers.

Actually, the only way I’ll really care about this is if San Diego has to retroactively forfeit their victory over the Steelers, which won’t happen, so meh. And try as I might to get engrossed by the World Series, I’d still rather be watching House. All in all, the Merrimen story ranks a scant 2 on the ol’ Scandal-O-Meter®*, while Kenny’s PineTarGate pulls a four.

* The Scandal-O-Meter® is a statistically significant standard introduced to the mainstream media in 2001 to rate scandals quantitatively. It uses math, so you wouldn’t understand it, but trust us, it’s all kinds of scientific. It goes from one to Felicity Huffman, with one being the most minor scandal imaginable and Felicity Huffman being the biggest.

This is why October is the greatest month:  all four major sports are going on at once.

Sure the NBA is preseason and sure baseball has a game every other day and sure hockey sucks.  But that’s pretty cool, don’t ya think?

No?  You don’t?  Oh well.  Tough for you.

I don’t care if it’s his manager saying it for him.  And I never thought I’d have to say this about Pujols, but here goes:

Shut up and play.

• The Tampa Bay quarterback who led the Bucs to a thrilling 14-13 victory over the Bengals on Sunday was Bruce Gradkowski, not Brad as originally reported.

• The phrase “thank you, thank you, thank you brad gradkowski” should have read “Thank you, thank you, thank you Mike Carey!” for his inexcusable roughing the passer call that gave the Bucs a late first down they clearly didn’t deserve and contributed directly to their win.

• A more general correction than the others, I’d like to retract all statements that made it seem like I respect or fear the Bengals. They are not deserving of fear or respect. They are, and remain, the Bengals.

• In my Penguins On Way To Ontario Via Portable Information Superhighway, I mentioned that I was the only SoC’er who liked hockey. That sentence should have read “I’m the only person who likes hockey”.

• Less a correction than premature gloating, I called in my Week One Review On Computer post that Steve McNair would get hurt, Kyle Boller would go in, and the Ravens would end up 8-8.

• Turns out people do care about baseball in the autumn. It’s just such a foreign notion to a Pirates fan that it took on a mythical quality, and I was more inclined to believe in Poseidon (the god of the sea, not the movie) than think I’d be interested in baseball in October. Enter Jim Leyland’s Detroit Tigers. How about that AL central?

Whom to root for the rest of the way?

The Tigers?  If they won the World Series, I could potentially argue that the Yankees were the second best team in baseball.  Which, ya know.  Means something.

The Mets?  They are from New York.  I’m from New York.  Sure I hate them, but…no, that’s it, I hate them.

The Cardinals?  They’re still playing?  Why bother rooting for them if they’re just gonna get the hell beaten out of them by the Mets?

So the A’s then.  I do like Moneyball, and Barry Zito.  Barry Zito.  Drooooool.

Two in a row for The Big Hurt!

If there are any SoC readers in New York, would you mind keeping an eye on Geoff on Sunday? I’m worried about him.

Five Ten BURNING QUESTIONS!

This series against the Tigers is the 12th ALDS the Yankees have participated in, excluding the weird ALDS of 1980.
The team that has won Game 1 of those ALDS’s have gone on to win TWICE and lose the other NINE TIMES.

That is one of the weirdest stats I’ve ever seen.

I’m scared.

So I guess the baseball playoffs started today. I honestly could care less who wins. Well, except for the Yankees (Sorry Geoff!) The Yankess are just one of those teams that makes sports seem not as fair, they just win too much (See: Lakers and Cowboys for other examples). Seriously would it kill ‘em to give one of those World Series trophies to a certain team representing a certain sleepy northwest port city? 

Anyways, I’m not here to hate on the Yankess but to predict the winners based on one simple premise: “Who would be able to beat the Yankees?”

ALDS: 

Oakland vs. Minnesota: I hate the Oakland A’s. I hate being in the same division. I hate their team colors. I hate their mascot (seriously? an elephant?). And most of all I hate saying this: Oakland has a better chance of beating the Yankees than the Twins. So I predict the A’s will win.

Detroit vs. Yankees: Man…I so want Detroit to win it all. But they just seem to have fallen apart faster than Robin Williams Lindsay Lohan at an open bar (I suck at joke writing by the way). But you know who I think could  beat the Yankees? The Yankees! So I predict the Yankees beat the Yankees.

NLDS: 

Dodgers vs. Mets: Thing is…of these two teams the Mets are the team that could beat the Yankees. But I know they can’t. So I predict the Dodgers will win.

St. Louis vs. San Diego: Neither team can beat the Yankees. So neither team will win. Instead I’m thinking a darkhorse will emerge. So I predict the Chicago Bears will win.

ALCS:

Yankees vs. Oakland: We’ve already proven that the Yankees are the one team that can beat the Yankees, therefore Oakland can’t beat the Yankees if the Yankees already beat the Yankees. So I predict the Yankees will win.

NLCS:

Dodgers vs. Bears: LOOK OUT! BEARS! NOOOOOOOO! So I predict the Bears will win.

WORLD SERIES:

Yankees vs. Bears: Rex Grossman remembers he’s Rex Grossman and remarks to no one listening “That is gross…man!” Then with the Bear’s bellies still filled with the meat that was once Seahawk pride are lulled to sleep for the winter and very quietly the Yankees tiptoe pass their cave of hibernation and win.

Damn it! That didn’t work out the way I thought it would.